Homesickness, also known as separation anxiety, is a natural emotional response to being separated from familiar surroundings, routines, and loved ones. It’s especially common among children and young people transitioning to a new environment like a summer camp or boarding school environment, where the comforts of home are suddenly replaced with unfamiliar faces, places, and expectations.

Boarding schools like Fork Union Military Academy have generations of institutional experience in helping young men overcome homesickness and adjust to life at a boarding school. In this post, we’ll explore the issue of homesickness, the gender differences in how it’s experienced, and why Fork Union’s policy is designed to help your son not just survive but thrive during his time here.

Is Homesickness Common?

According to research by Dr. Christopher Thurber, a psychologist and educator at Phillips Exeter Academy, almost all students experience some level of homesickness when they first arrive at boarding school.

This isn’t just a fleeting feeling—it can manifest in various ways, including sadness, anxiety, irritability, and even physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches.

But while homesickness is challenging, it’s also a normal part of growing up and learning to adapt to new environments. The process of overcoming homesickness can actually be a crucial step in your son’s development, helping him build emotional resilience, independence, and confidence.

Boys and Girls Cope with Homesickness Differently

Understanding how the experience of homesickness can differ between boys and girls is key to appreciating how our Academy's policies are tailored specifically to the needs of young men.

Research shows that boys and girls often cope with homesickness in different ways, influenced by their natural tendencies and biological makeup.

Girls are generally more likely to express their emotions verbally and seek social support from friends and family when they’re feeling homesick. They might reach out to friends or family members to talk about their feelings, which can provide them comfort and reassurance.

Boys, on the other hand, often have a natural tendency to internalize their emotions. They may cope with homesickness by distracting themselves through activities like sports, hobbies, or schoolwork, which can provide a sense of control and accomplishment. Boys may not want to talk about what they are feeling or seek out emotional support as girls might, choosing instead to work through their emotions independently.

These differences are well-documented in research on emotional expression and coping strategies. For example, a study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence reports that boys are more likely to use action-oriented coping strategies, such as engaging in activities that distract them from their emotions, while girls tend to use social coping strategies, like talking to others about their feelings. Dr. Christopher Thurber’s own work on homesickness at Phillips Exeter Academy also supports this distinction, noting that boys generally prefer to manage their feelings through solitary activities.

The policies here at Fork Union Military Academy are tailored specifically to meet the needs of young men.

The Academy’s Approach

Fork Union Military Academy has a policy that restricts a cadet’s access to phones and email during the first few weeks after his arrival on campus, to give time for the young men to work through their feelings of homesickness.

For some parents, mothers in particular, this policy may seem counterintuitive, or even harsh. Mothers often instinctively believe that open communication is the best way to help their son through homesickness, reflecting their natural inclination to express and process emotions verbally. However, what a son needs during this time is not constant contact, but rather the space and time to independently work through his feelings, and adapt to his new environment. By giving him this opportunity, we are empowering him to develop the emotional strength and independence necessary for his growth.

Our goal is to support the cadet in developing independence, resilience, and a sense of belonging within his new community—qualities that will serve him well throughout his life.

Here are some of the top reasons why we believe this approach is so important:

• Encouraging Independence and Resilience - One of the goals at Fork Union is fostering independence in our cadets. The transition to boarding school is one of the first significant steps your son will take toward becoming a self-reliant young man. By limiting his immediate access to the comfort of home, we encourage him to find his own way, solve problems, and build confidence in his ability to navigate new challenges.
  
  Research has shown that when boys are encouraged to face challenges independently, they develop greater resilience—an essential life skill. Overcoming homesickness on his own (or with the help of peers and mentors) can help your son build emotional strength that will serve him well throughout his life.

• Building Social Connections - Another crucial aspect of adjusting to boarding school is forming new friendships and integrating into the community. When boys have constant access to communication with home, they might be less inclined to seek out social connections with their peers. Instead, they may retreat into familiar relationships, which can slow down the process of making new friends and becoming part of the Fork Union family.
  
  By temporarily restricting phone and email access, we create an environment where a cadet is more likely to engage with his new surroundings, participate in activities, and connect with other cadets. These early bonds are vital for his sense of belonging and will provide the social support he needs to thrive.

• Focusing on the Present - Homesickness often involves longing for the past or the familiar comforts of home. Frequent communication with family can sometimes reinforce this longing, making it harder for your son to focus on the present and fully engage with his new life at Fork Union.
  
  The Academy's limited contact policy helps your son stay grounded in the present moment, encouraging him to invest his energy in his current experiences rather than constantly looking back. This approach aligns with our mission to help each cadet develop the discipline, focus, and commitment needed to succeed not just at Fork Union, but in all areas of life.

• Establishing New Routines - The first few weeks at a boarding school are critical for establishing new routines and adapting to a different schedule. Without the distraction of frequent phone calls or emails from home, your son can more easily immerse himself in the rhythm of life at Fork Union, from morning routines to academic classes and extracurricular activities.
  
  These routines are not just about structure—they’re about helping your son feel secure and confident in his new environment. The quicker he adapts to these routines, the more comfortable and at home he’ll feel.

Trusting the Process

We understand that as a parent, it’s natural to worry about your son’s well-being and adjustment. You might be concerned that he’s struggling with homesickness and wish you could provide immediate comfort. However, it’s important to trust the process and the experience of the educators and staff at Fork Union.

Our faculty and staff are experienced in providing support to new cadets through this transition. We have systems in place to monitor each student’s adjustment, from regular check-ins to providing access to counselors and mentors. If your son is struggling, please know that we will intervene and provide the support he needs.

We also encourage you to view this transition as an opportunity for growth—not just for your son, but for you as well. Allowing him to navigate this experience on his own terms, without constant communication, is a way of showing him that you trust his ability to handle challenges. This trust can be incredibly empowering for your son and can strengthen his sense of self-reliance.

We’ve seen time and again how cadets who fully engage in the Fork Union experience emerge as confident, capable young men who are ready to lead and succeed in whatever path they choose. And while the initial weeks of adjustment might be a bit tough for both parent and child, the long-term benefits are well worth the temporary discomfort.

While homesickness is challenging, it’s also a normal part of growing up and learning to adapt to new environments. The process of overcoming homesickness can actually be a crucial step in a young man’s development, helping him build emotional resilience, independence, and confidence.

Dan Thompson has been with Fork Union Military Academy since 2004, specializing in strategic communications and marketing. He enjoys sharing the success stories of the school and its cadets.
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