Letter to New FUMA Middle School Parents
from a FUMA Middle School Parent
-originally written June, 2003 by the parent of a Middle School cadet who wished it to be shared with other new FUMA parents
To New Fork Union Parents:
One year ago I was sitting where you are now. I had so many mixed feelings about sending my son to this school. I had struggled with him as a single parent since he was an infant. He is bright but wasn’t showing his potential. We were fighting about everything. After having two people in the education field recommend military school, I put my house up for sale, moved in with my parents, and proceeded to drive him to the school on the first day. He was fine; he had gone to summer camps, spent time away from home and made a friend on arrival. He told me it was OK to leave 30 minutes before I had to go! I remember driving the car around the circle s-l-o-w-l-y. Suddenly I remembered some things he might need, so I drove to the drug store and picked them up. I dropped them off with the Middle School’s secretary, Mrs. Haislip, and she gave me a knowing smile. She knew. It was the longest drive home I can ever remember.
Facing empty nest when your only child is in middle school is very strange. I miss my son so much I see myself in my mind just driving over and saying, “OK, we tried that for awhile and it was good, now I am ready for you to come home.” But I know I can’t and he is right where he needs to be. For me it was the ultimate test of unselfish love: to let go enough for Fork Union to become his major caretaker. I had some feelings of failure, initially, that somehow I should be able to do this myself. I had to let go of all that. I came to realize that the school is not taking my place as a parent, only joining me as part of a team for my son’s benefit. These are some things I have learned and would like to share with you:
Get involved. I have sent more emails than you would believe. To the Headmaster, secretary, Commandant, teachers, anyone who deals with him, I made it my job to get to know them and I found them to be extremely receptive. I attended any activities I could. I needed to stay very close to my son and what he was doing. It really helped.
Ask questions. Military school is very different from any other school. There was a lot I did not understand, so I asked and asked and asked.
Don’t expect too much too soon. My son’s grades have improved, but he still needs work on conduct. It is a HUGE adjustment for most of these guys. As an only child, my son has struggled with dorm life. He has changed gradually and now has a higher self-esteem and is more mature. It doesn’t all come together overnight, though. It takes time.
Write him, send e-mails, and if you don’t live too far, visit. It helps him and it helps FUMA. Time together has become more precious than ever. Attend the parades; they are so cool and if you don’t get choked up the first time you see him march, I would be surprised.
Try to get to know a few other parents. You can help each other and make friends in the process.
You have made a very difficult but necessary decision regarding your son’s future. I can tell you that I do not think you will regret it. Your son will grow in ways you never imagined. And you will also grow as a parent. I hope your relationship with your son improves as much as ours has. I am thankful for Fork Union and for all the faculty and staff. They have played a major role in my son’s life. They have cared about him way beyond the classroom. They have supported both of us in some difficult family matters. I do not know how long he will be able to attend. But every day that he does, I thank God for that opportunity. Good luck and know that you are not alone.
God bless,
A FUMA Parent
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