Considering Applying, but son has special needs...

Dave:

When I went there about 95% of the kids had ADHD. They did not call it that and there was no medication. I was one of them. The faculty handled these kids perfectly. It was called the action/consequence plan. Whatever action your son takes there are consequences (positive or negative). If you ask your son if he wants to do better and his answer is yes then Fork Union will be the best money you have ever spent. I don't mean to sound Spartan but my parents faced the same dilemma when I was in high school. They rode me incessantly and it did not help. My folks tried hard but they just didn't get it. The school helped me to organize, study and focus better than I could have imagined. My attitude changed. I had tons more confidence and focus. I almost failed high school prior to going there, instead I graduated college and became a Naval Aviator. If he is not a criminal the school will probably take him. I don't mean to insult you and I certainly don't know your son's situation but get him off the dope. Once he goes to Fork Union the term ADHD won't be used so you can knock off that label for your son. Instead of ADHD, the term used for a young boy that is doing poorly and has a bad attitude is called "normal". They do have programs to help out folks needing financial aid. One last thing that you are right about, if you wait you certainly will regret it.

My advice would be to apply...........it'll cost $50 (I think). I have found that the admissions office is very up front when faced with this type of question from myself and others I know. Without knowing the specifics, my guess is that FUMA would be a great environment for your son. It is amazing what structure and removing parents from the responsibilty loop accomplishes!

Barbara

Thanks so much for your reply...if you know of anyone else that could weigh-in here, please do...11 seems so young to drop off and leave there, but I know in my gut who would be better off there. He says it would be awful for him, and he would hate it -- but what does an 11 year old know?! His primary question during the interview was; "where do we skateboard and ride bikes?" Not gonna happen.

Folks: Do whatever you have to do to enroll your son at FUMA.Very few of the youngsters on these "meds" actually need them. Its so the teachers (read NEA) won't be bothered with them and they can eventually be cranked out in the "education mill". When I was his age it was called being rambunctious. FUMA will teach him good habits because there won't be undue outside influences. Proper behavior and good study habits are expected of each cadet. The first six months of "withdrawals" from "anything goes" behavior will be rough on him but when he finally realizes that to be part of the corp he will have to conform, his life (and yours) will go much more smoothly. When he becomes part of and is counted on to be part of something bigger than just himself, he will gain confidence and take pride in his contribution.

I graduated from Fork Union 51 years ago this month. At the time (I attended 4 years) I "bitched and moaned" just like the other kids did now and then but every year since I have thanked God my parents scrimped and saved to send me to FUMA. May God bless them above. And may God bless you and your family. Good luck.

Cheers - Joe K

From a FUMA grad one generation forward, here-here! FUMA will not only help your son see the uncarved stone in the block, the pace of the place itself will give him the tools to hack away, and discard worthless stone. You won't be disappointed.

And to Joe K. -- I think you and I may have a certain connection.... MMTC-Wilm.?

JBW

Dear Jesse:

Can't decipher the initials so must not have a connection.

American University - American Institute of Banking

Numerous Law enforcement and and fraud investigator schools.

Retired, but still circling the drain in Delaware.

Regards,

Joe K

Just wanted to weigh in on a couple of small points....

1. The application fee is currently $75, not $50...didn't want to leave that uncorrected so there'd be no misunderstandings later on.... :D

2. If your son requires prescription meds while at FUMA, he will receive those on schedule at the infirmary, where he can be monitored taking the necessary medications. Your doctor can best determine if your son should continue his medications while here, we don't make that call, and plenty of young men continue to receive meds while here. Be sure to list all of his current meds on the application...

Our Director of Admissions, LTC Steve Macek, served at one time as the Commandant in the Middle School, so you can be confident that he is very familiar with middle school boys and their needs, behavioral and otherwise. You can trust his advice and insight.

As you can see, we have outstanding alumni who care deeply about the school and the cadets who attend today (even if they were here more than 50 year ago themselves! Thanks, guys!). I can guarantee that very few of them thought that much of the school while they were actually here, but they know the difference that was made in their lives by their education here.

I pray that you will receive the guidance you need (from a variety of sources) so you can make an informed decision you will be comfortable with in your family.

I went to FUMA for Seven Years 6th through 12th grade, At the time of middle school I was so Homesick I made sure I did everything right I could, so I WOULDNT LOSE my LEAVE WEEKENDS. I wasnt a Happy Cadet my first year but soon there after I realized my parents had made the right choice for me. It has helped me in many ways over the years and has a great ALUMNI that I am proud to be apart of. I think FUMA may be just the place your son needs and after a few tours on the old ED pad he will straighten up sooner than later.
The one problem I saw at FUMA was the parents not the staff when they would call and say no "not my son hes a lil angel." Well stop being so nieve, your lil angel is more like a Problem Child. Its a part of growing up and FUMA is just the place to make him into a young man. Parents need to support the staff and not try and help there kid think they can get away with lil things and not be punished Fuma has been teaching young kids for over a hundred years and have a hell of a success ratio Let them do their jobs.
Charles McKenney FUMA 98

Thanks guys for all the insight. Dan T: our application is being worked on...the principal and teacher form(s) may beat us to the Admin. Office. Our son still has to fill out his part, "about why he wants to attend FUMA", and that's slow going, since he doesn't want to go, and it says it MUST be filled out by him. Once we hack through this, we will turn our attention to the financial aid forms, and then try and schedule another visit...The Open House was a great introductory meeting, but probably not intimate enough. Aidan needs to meet a few cadets and be told the "real deal" by a successful student. The cost is staggering and it will be incredibly difficult to afford this. I have no idea how we will do it, but it has to be done.

When I was a cadet in the early '50's there were a limited number of scholarships available. Most were "Cadet Waiters". Doubt they have these with the new Mess Hall, etc. But there must be some task that could earn some $$$ off the bottom line. Don't know if this is possible but couldn't hurt to inquire. Think it would also instill a sense of pride in your son. Lots of things come to mind: ass't (gopher) for one of the sports teams - helper in the kitchen - grounds maintenance - helper in the supply dept. Just some thoughts. Again, good luck.

Thanks Capt Dan for the clarification.

dbbotkins,

If your son has some abivilance about FUMA, then that should be in his application. It's not the essay we dream of our sons turning in but if that is the way it is in his own words, then .......... :roll:

I suggest that as a parent you embark on a very sneaky campaign to point out to your son the most appealing thing about FUMA. The visit with a cadet led tour was great. Up until that point I think my son was nodding his head yes because he knew that's what I wanted him to do..............one look at the Estes athletic center and he was sold. Also, I found that if you drag your feet and give the guide and the guidee a chance to have small talk they willl exchange information not suitable for adult ears :oops: ..........not really but you know what I mean. Maybe the visit would help your son clarify what he wants to write as the reason he wants to attend FUMA?

As far as the $ goes.............you'll find a way. A lot of us do and we're very glad to have made it. Good luck and keep in touch!

Barbara

What made you turn to FUMA...? What were your circumstances? What was missing that kept your son from succeeding in public school? Our son has had a number of life challenges he has been delt that have exacerbated his problems. How did you know FUMA was the recipie?

Go to all my posts and see why we choose FUMA. I think there are more with ADD or ADHA than those that aren't. I think the most is the male genetics that schools just don't have the time to tackle!!! Put a bright inquisitive brain in a system that is ruled by compacting numbers and you get sit down shut up and drilled on how to pass certain standardize tests, with absolutely no regard to how a child actually learns. But I will get off that soap box!!! FUMA lets a boys mind be challenged...something traditional school has no time for. It also teaches on a one subject plan so you dont have to balance tons of different assignments and decide which gets priority. You have math, do math for seven weeks,etc.... Someone earlier wrote about consequences and that is THE counter balance to ADD or ADHD. Walk enough tours you will get your act together. FUMA is phenomenal and I will never regret one minute my son spent there. Go see for your self, it is amazing the results they get!! You will be proud and you won't have to yell and hound anymore!!!!!

What made me turn to FUMA is the fact that my son was regularly failing classes in public school due to one thing...........
HOMEWORK! After spending two years talking to parents of cadets and alumni, and then some alumni we decided that it was worth a shot. And boy has it been! He would NEVER go to class now and admit he does not have homework to turn in, has been on Honor Roll or Dean's List every term for 2 years and has aspirations about National Honor Society. What a change in a kid who failed BAND 2 years in a row....not because he didn't practice, but because he never turned in a practice record :oops:

Although I have wondered if there isn't some magical power in those testosterone laden classrooms, I suspect that a lot of it has to do with 1 subject at a time, smaller class size and PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Even if he were to not have homework ready the next day, no one is going to call me about it. They are going to address it with him. It is his job after all. I always knew that, he always knew that and his teachers always knew that, however it is also the teacher's responsibilty to let parents know when things aren't going well, hence the phone calls and greater and greater efforts by his father and I to "help" him do better. He did not need our "help", as evidenced by his success at FUMA. He needed to take responsibilty for his own job. BTW, that was very bluntly pointed out to him by Col. Akers during the admissions interview. I was afraid that was going to skew the whole deal but somehow, someway it was just what he needed to be faced with. It wasn't very pleasant to watch but there were no illusions about whose job it was to get the work done and get it done in a timely and complete manner.

You may be surpised at how the $ works out. I know it hurts to write the tuition check, but by the time I figure my lower grocery bill for 3/4 of a year, lower car expense (no shuttling to social events, practice and games; although I do attend a fair number of FUMA events), lower water & electric bill because there is not a teen-ager taking 2-3 LONG showers every day AND changing clothes, FUMA almost pays for itself :roll: Just kidding........hope the business office doesn't get any ideas about raising tuition, but it has not been as painful as I expected. I have given up haircuts....I figure my son gets enough for both of us. And restaurants. And almost anything that is not on sale. My husband tells me at least once a month that he would sell every cow, every tractor, every tool he owns to keep our son at FUMA through graduation. Fortunately, it has not come to that. Because our son has a college savings account and we needed him to participate in the cost, we decided to have him pay for his own uniforms. THAT has quite possibly been the 2nd best decision we made. He does a very good job of keeping track of and caring for his stuff because he knows he gets to pay for it.

Bottom line: I didn't know FUMA was going to be the answer but we were at a loss at what to do with this capable seeming boy who seemed to have failure etched permanently on his report cards.

Schedule that visit quick!! while there are still cadets on campus to talk to.

Barbara

Sir,

My wife and I were in your exact same position this time last year. Our son is now four days from graduating Middle School - pending an inordinate amount of demerits between now and then. He was delivered to FUMA kicking and screaming, and made the first four months of his tenure there a living hell for himself and those around him. I can say with certainty that the Faculty will go to extraordinary lengths to give your son the opportunity to suceed, but in the final analysis, if your son refuses to invest himself in the FUMA program, he has a very real risk of being dismissed. Our son went right to the brink of dismissal due to his rapid and repeated collection of demerits (being referred to as "The Demerit King"). He was placed on probation and told in no uncertain terms of what he needed to do to survive. Faced with his options, he made a very grown up decision - and complied with the rules and regulations. Unfortunately, he tells us that he has (had) classmates that did not survive probation, and are no longer there.

FUMA will enable your son to mature in ways other schools cannot. Among other things, it will teach him about the consequences of the decisions he makes on a daily basis. Homework will not be an issue, because he WILL do it - two hours of study hall every night guarantees that he will find the time. There exists a tremendous support system at FUMA, both internal (Faculty and fellow cadets) and external (alumni). We had a gentleman who graduated from FUMA in the 1950's intervene on our behalf by writing him a letter about his time there, to great effect.

The wild card in all of this is your son, since he will (or might)be there and you won't. For all of the support and structure available to him, he is the only one who can decide if he wants to take advantage of it. The paradox is there is no way to know until he is immersed in the culture.

I would be happy to discuss this further with you. I can be reached at 513 233 2885 until Tuesday, 5/22/06, then at 513 907 7210. Jim Emery

We have mailed in the application and our deposit. Our son's elementary school principal and teacher(s) have allegedly mailed in documents FUMA requested as well. There is some sort of snafu determining what has or hasn't been received yet, so if anyone from Admissions reads this, please call his mother at work...804-741-2884. We would like to inform our son of his acceptance ASAP.

I will weigh in as well. I attended FUMA starting as a freshman in 1975 and graduated in 1979.

I lived overseas and had been handed everything on a silver platter. I had no focus and sort of just drifted through school without ever applying myself.

FUMA gave me that focus and after the first 4 months I realized I had better apply myself or be left behind in the dust. All of the faculty are the greatest. They will stop whatever they are doing to give guidance, help or just an ear to listen to. They have seen and done it all and they are very dedicated to the cadets well being.

You have made a wise choice in selecting FUMA and I hope you will be able to see how your son will be molded into a very self confident and self reliant man.

Has anyone else out there got a story to tell...preferably about what they were like in the 6th grade, and if there had been intervention (FUMA style) at that time, rather than waiting until the later grades for your parents to do something about your problems? I know none of us are who we were at 11, but these are some things we want reversed now rather than wait for them to take root in public, co-ed middle school:

1) bad attitude; 2) sense of entitlement; 3) lack of personal responsibility and accountability; 4) back-talk/disrespect of elders and even certain peers; 5) insecurity that fosters the bullying behavior; 6) complete "pig-pen" personal hygene/neatness/manners/eating habits/personal space; 7) organization/forgetfulness/losing things; 8) disruptive and propensity for delinquent behavior.

Some folks we have talked to (public school edu-crats; behavioral apologist or non-engaged parents) think starting FUMA in 6th grade at age 11 is drastic, and he should have time to "grow-out" of these issues... We have given him the last 9 weeks to get his act together to no avail, and there has only been incremental progress. Not sure Mom and Dad can survive the summer much less another academic year.

FUMA IS the correct prescription. Action to reverse some of the behaviors you mentioned should have started ages ago. Aside from the personal sacrifice, will be your ability to not "give in" when he calls and whines, etc. The School will do their job if allowed. If left to his own devices and peer pressure the next problem to rear it's ugly head will be drug experimentation. Bad scene. Believe me, as a retired police officer I know what I'm talking about. The first semester will be Hell for everyone. When he, as I've said before, finally sees himself as part of the squad, platoon, company, and his contribution is needed to make a difference, the tide will begin to turn. Also, peer pressure at FUMA will help to initiate that action.

Good luck once again and "don't give up the ship".

Nell hit the nail on the head.I have personal knowledge of a few cases where an otherwise bright and inquisitive girl was kept doped up as ADDHA simply because she asked questions and wouldn't accept being brushed off.Her parents are very close friends and had about accepted that she wasn't overly bright.She spent a lot of time at my house as she is my g'daughter's best buddy.After a couple of weekends,it dawned on me that despite being a bit annoying at times she was also very bright indeed albeit very impatient.After meeting some of the teachers at the Middle school it became obvious to me that the best of them were merely marking time until retirement rolled around and that the worst of them incompetent.We got her off the dopeand she is doing much better in school.Down with the NEA!!!The carrot and stick regimen works like a charm
as I discovered early on.FUMA is far from perfect but is is usually quite effective.The odd CARE package will help but I would make his pocket money dependent on his grades and behavior.